Facing death to find life
An elderly man came to see me after the recent death of his spouse. In his tears, he explained how he came home one evening and found his wife lifeless at the bottom of the stairs. As he told me his reasons for not wanting to live anymore, I felt genuine compassion for him. This man, with his admitted faults and weaknesses, had lived a full life with his wife. They had children and grandchildren and even adopted children. In his years as a husband and father, he made it his sole purpose to provide and care for his wife and family. Now that his wife was gone and his children were off with children of their own, he could no longer find meaning in life’s struggles.
While this man is not physically dead, he is experiencing the ultimate emotional death: ego death. This is the death that you experience when the Universe forces you to let go of something that is very important to you, leaving you completely lost and helpless. For example, you become paralyzed and will never walk again. You find out you cannot have children. You are diagnosed with cancer. The person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with no longer loves you. Your child dies.
There are no words or acts of love or affection that can fill the hole that this death creates. For this is the type of death that destroys your soul. A death that makes you question everything you thought you knew was right about life. You question your God. You question your religion. You question yourself and everything you have done in life, good and bad. And, at the end of every day, all you can conclude is that life’s struggle have become pointless and worthless.
This is the point you reach in life where you seriously contemplate if death is the rational option for you.
The British-American philosopher, Alan Watts, stated, “If any one of us could have this moment [as if we were] about to die, genuinely and honestly we would understand the mystery of life. Because death is the source of life.” There will come a moment when, with eyes wide open, you will be forced to give up everything you know about life. The reason for this extreme experience is to bring you so much pain that you will have no other choice but to look for an understanding of the deeper meaning of life. As you go through this gut-wrenching process and question your reason for living, you will let go of the emotional suffering either by 1) choosing to live life with more meaning; or 2) giving up completely with thoughts and plans of death and suicide.
If you choose to look for purpose, you must face your fears and slowly let go of everything that you expected from your life. As you find ways to replace feelings of powerlessness and helplessness with faith in this spiritual process, the true meaning of death will illuminate your mind and the fear of the death, both emotional and physical death, will slowly fade away from your soul. And you will realize that there is nothing you can do about life but to accept it for what it is. This is when your natural consciousness overcomes the ego and you begin to see the true meaning behind the cruel acts of the Universe.
Towards the end of the session with the elderly man, I explained that rather than focusing on all the reasons he wished he were dead, maybe he could start wisely preparing for his death. As we talked, the man got excited as he made plans to talk to God to make a case for the reasons he wanted to let go of life and die in his sleep, the way God always intended. Rather than crying, he discussed how he could put his affairs in order concerning his personal property as a way to prepare for his death. The man ended the session by saying he would make it a priority to talk to his each of his children and let them know how much he loves them. This man is choosing to live as he chooses to die. The way God intended it.
Whether we like it or not, life is filled with experiences that bring us emotional death. You can choose to fight the process or you can accept it for its intended purpose: a spiritual experience meant to help you transcend the emotional suffering of life with the ultimate goal of letting the suffering go completely. It is in the letting go that we find life as we face death. Remember, God answers all prayers. Do your part and let go of the emotional suffering and let God and the Universe do the rest.
Mother Owl
