Forgive and remember
By now most of us have heard about Mexican President Andres Manuel López Obrador (AMLO) asking the King of Spain and the Pope for an apology for the abuse of native people’s rights during colonization.
But aside from any political motivations or implications related to AMLO’s demand, it is interesting to consider why somebody would demand an apology for something that happened a long time ago.
Of course everyone should apologize when they hurt someone else, but at which point does it become a grudge that is being used to manipulate others?
Many people like to use the phrase “forgive and forget,” in order to suggest that it’s not healthy to keep count of each and every time someone else has hurt you. In a sense this is smart because it shows that you truly are forgiving someone, rather than remembering every mistake, so that you can later tell them that they owe you. But on the flip side, if you always forgive and forget, then it’s quite likely that the other person will catch on and simply think “I’m going to do what I want because they will forgive me anyway, they always forgive me”.
So is it a better alternative to forgive and remember?
Some would say yes, because it’s the safest way for both people to get what they want: one gains forgiveness for their mistakes and the other gains memory of possible abuses that the other person might repeat (accidentally or intentionally).
In regards to AMLO’s comments, most people who know about Mexican history are aware of the way that Spaniards colonized Mexico and the violent acts that they committed.
So the interesting part about his comments is that even if an apology is warranted, it seems odd to request it such a long time afterwards. It’s as if our spouse said “I just remembered that when we started dating, you were mean to me for a week, so now I’m not going to be nice to you until you apologize and show that you’re sorry.”
Most of us would easily recognize this as unhealthy and manipulative, and perhaps that’s why a lot of people criticized the Mexican President. But whether you agree or disagree with AMLO’s comments, perhaps we can all agree that forgiving is important, but so is remembering, and demanding an apology for something that happened a long time ago is likely an attempt for others to gain power over you.
