The power of gratitude
Has something ever happened to you that was so hurtful or so painful that you feel it is holding you back? Something that makes you feel stuck in life even though it happened long ago? I have known too many people who have held onto traumatic experiences for five, ten, even more than twenty years. The man who will not go out after dark because he was robbed at gunpoint 12 years ago. The wife who is bitter about an affair that happened back in 2000 but chooses to be with her husband. The woman who is angered by the thought of her father even though he is six feet under and cannot hurt her anymore.
I will never diminish the pain that anyone feels. I know the pain is real. This pain has become who you are. It has become your ‘story.’ Moreover, it can be very difficult to let go of the rethinking and the retelling of your story, especially when you meet new people and make connections with them. Yet, as you recall and retell your story of pain, you allow for the reexperiencing of that pain. It is with each reexperiencing of the pain that you embed the trauma into your psyche until you become an emotional slave to the pain. Then it really is impossible for you to think about what happened without crying or becoming angry or getting panicky even though the event happened so many years ago.
When a person goes through a traumatic experience, the automatic human reaction is to focus on the negative, which are all the horrible things that happened and all the horrible things that could have happened. For example, you cannot stop thinking about why that person would hurt you that way or how you could have died that day. No matter how hard you try, your mind obsesses on the hurt or the fear rather than trying to find a way to remove it and begin living again.
So what can you do to shift your focus away from the pain and start moving your thoughts in a more positive direction? Start taking the time to feel grateful for the good things that you do have. Not feeling grateful for the good things we have in our lives in spite of our negative experiences is the number one reason we stay stuck in our pain. Feeling ungrateful is the main reason we feel sorry for ourselves. Feeling ungrateful is the reason we become depressed, anxious, and worried all day long. Because when we are ungrateful, we focus on what we do not have. When the focus is on our lack, we block ourselves from seeing the beauty of life that naturally surrounds us. Being grateful is what clears the mind and moves us forward. Focusing on our fears is what holds us back.
Life made me strong when it moved me to realize that I am responsible for my own happiness. Life also helped me learn that the road to happiness is being grateful in the little things. A dazzling sunset. A loving phone call from a friend. That washer and dryer that somehow still works! Every good thing counts! Do not make the mistake of realizing this truth after what you took for granted goes away. Because things could always be worse. No dazzling sunset because you are losing your eyesight. No calls or texts you because you broke your phone. Trips to the laundry mat because the dryer died. My thinking? Thank you, Lord, for laundry mats! Hahaha!!!
Don’t get me wrong. I have my issues, too! It is all part of the learning process as we all maneuver through the landmines of life. Regardless, we should be trying to work out our issues and not rationalize them away, or worse, tell ourselves they do not matter. Our life lessons are meant to help us be strong, wise, kind, and more loving. Because as we learn from our mistakes and are kind to ourselves in the process, we learn to have compassion for others in their mistakes and become slow to judge.
I am grateful for all the fears I have conquered. I am grateful for the lessons that have given me my hard-earned wisdom. And, I am grateful for the power of gratitude that fills me with joy for the wonderful little things in life. Mother Owl.
